perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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