I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
