my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
