that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
