Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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