How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
