i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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