i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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