I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She even gives head with a lisp.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
