I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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