Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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