and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
