Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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