So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
