And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
