I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
