At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
the room spins SO much faster in panama
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
