so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
