yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
