Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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