He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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