from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So apparently I’m into choking now
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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