Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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