Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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