Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
