Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
