I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
