omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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