Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
