he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
