Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
