It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
