i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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