I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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