i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My cat gives me a boner
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
