omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
