its not stalking. its research.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
