Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
