Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
