Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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