i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
