Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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