it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
