oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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