One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
