her vagine was all disorganized.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
