Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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