____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
