He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize