I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
