I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
