pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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