3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
