but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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