sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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