and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
