What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
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