Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
