in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
