We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
