fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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