You were right. It hurts to walk today.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize