My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
you had me at cake vodka
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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