Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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