omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
