that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Did I show you my penis last night?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
