Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
