when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
