u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
