Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
