I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I AM VODKA MAN
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
