Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
