just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
