so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Dear god my vagina.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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