oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
