Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
