My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
