Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
