I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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