why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Dear god my vagina.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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