Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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