Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
